overratedsuicide:

it’s hard to be confident when you’re fully aware of the fact you’re ugly

    dog:*barks*
    me:chill

nosdrinker:

*steps out onto balcony* where are my fans at

blueflight:

[AGGRESSIVELY APOLOGIZES FOR BEING A BAD FRIEND AND AN UNPLEASANT PERSON TO BE AROUND]

chakrabot:

sincerelymady:

There’s this girl at my school and she’s really nice and I remember sometime last year at one point she would carry a clicker around and click it everytime she had a happy thought/something good happened/she laughed etc.
It was always kind of cute how you’d just hear the little click every once in a while throughout class it always made me smile knowing that it was bc something made her feel happy idk

she was training herself to be happy oh my god

shingekinokyojinheaven:

shingekinokyojinheaven:

me before posting something on tumblr: no that could offend someone

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high-school-fling:

spicy-vagina-tacos:

freezerburnt-capsicle:

dontbeanassbutt:

boy, blowjobs sure are a mouthful

jeez, that pun was hard for me to swallow

penis

thanks for your contribution


the-robot-condese:

tiny-little-nebula:

taloa-nashoba:

thatthirstyniggafromclass:

misconceptions about strippers. 

pussy preach more sense than the fuckin government.

I want to break necks when people shade strippers. Let’s see your janky ass get out there and look that cute in 6 inch heels for 8 hours, smiling the entire time, stroking egos, pretending a dude’s breath doesn’t smell like a rotten animal.

Truth.

My sister has a Masters in Education. She got a job at one of the poorest schools in the city, but didn’t make enough money to pay to keep her tiny house heated through the Oregon winter or buy enough food or take her dog to the vet (first person who drops the word rehome gets a kick in the face.) so she quit and the only job she could get because she’s “overqualified” to work at Fred Meyers was at a strip club because she minored in ballet. I think people forget that stripping is like any other job: you have to have some experience.

And all those crumpled one dollar bills? 20% of that goes back into the club because strippers are renting the stages they dance on. Sometimes it’s more.

Despite all of that, my sister makes more money than she ever did because she works 80 hour weeks and literally never takes a day off. She teaches classes to drunk white girls, she does private parties, she does entertainment for conferences and shows. 

When I had to go to the ER last February and got a bill for $800 that I couldn’t pay, my sister sent me money so I wouldn’t be sent to collections. 

My sister is the classiest motherfucker in a pair of six inch heels. Anyone who calls her a dumb slut or a hoe gets their shit wrecked.

that’s the best thing i ever just heard get said

    Pregnant woman:oh my god he's kicking!!
    Me:*punches her in the stomach* you think it's fucking cool to hit girls you little bitch??

pettyofficerdongers:

captainkristine:

this-is-my-life-lacy:

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lololololol

I’m reblogging this again cause it’s that awesome.

Then there’s the Navy

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officialunitedstates:

people with 100 followers on this site have faqs like “thx for the nice messages but I dont have time to answer all of them!”  really, are you sure, because I have 4,388,070,000 followers and I still answer all of mine

ggaga:

i hate how you’re just born out of nowhere and you’re forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job what if i wanted to be a duck

siighed:

some kid in my english class goes by the name squash and my teacher done fucked up and called him zucchini

worldpeaces:

when people who aren’t even in your convo interrupt you

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